It is widely known that the thought processes of men and women are as different as night and day. As girls, the preoccupations we have and the «momentous» things we stress over are often nowhere to be found in the mind of your average college aged male. And because women are in general more complex, we often try to decipher the message «within» the literal words a guy speaks to you. The problem with this is that we often hear what we want to hear, when the reality of the situation is more than readily apparent. Here are the things guys are really saying that most often get mixed up:
1) «I don’t want to be in a relationship right now.»
The girl’s usual solution would be to wait around (or not, if you’re like me) for whenever it is that this guy decides the time is right. What he’s really saying: «I don’t want to be in a relationship with you. » The reality of the situation is that as single as someone may think they want to be, when the right person comes along, they DO want to be committed to that person. If he just got out of a relationship, he’ll at least make it clear that he wants the opportunity one day, and then it’s your call. Otherwise, while he may want you to stick around for obvious reasons, he doesn’t want to be «facebook official.»
2) «I need space.»
This one is absolutely simple, HE NEEDS SPACE! While it may sound like I’m being unnecessarily rhetorical, a lot of girls don’t heed a guy’s advice and are quick to get flustered, when he’s really being upfront with you. While you have every right to know why he’s asking for space and how long he wants it for, space does NOT mean calling and texting him incessantly, or randomly showing up to wherever he happens to be. Don’t overwhelm or stifle him, just give him some breathing room. Once you’ve determined what an acceptable period of time is for both of you, give him that time he needs to think, and keep yourself occupied. If you go crazy over it, you only end up looking like a nutcase who doesn’t know the meaning of the word «boundaries.»
3) «It didn’t mean anything.»
Many people make mistakes in relationships, and more often than not, someone slips up. While my policy on cheating really depends on a case by case basis (how long you’ve been together, whether you’re married, have kids, etc.), when a guy tells you that it didn’t mean anything, I think he’s usually telling the truth. He saw an opportunity, a temptation of the flesh, and he caved in the face of sex. He’s not in love with this girl, but is he really in love with you? While I believe everyone is prone to error at some point, you have to ask yourself at this moment whether you’re willing to forgive, and whether you’re absolutely certain it won’t happen again.
4) «We need to talk.»
While it might not mean he’s absolutely throwing in the towel, something iffy is going on. These are four of the most dreaded words in the English language, because more often than not it indicates the end of your relationship. There’s no way to make this sound better than what it is, and because most guys are direct, chances are he’s not trying to propose. The best thing you can do is take a couple of deep breaths and face the situation. Avoiding it or prolonging it won’t change the fact that it’s happening, and at the very least it’s better to know where you stand than to sit there and come up with various (all horrifying) explanations for what’s going on.
5) «I want to see other people.»
Plain and simple, he wants to have his cake and eat it too. This guy likes having you around, but now he wants to add other people to that equation, spice things up for himself. The problem here is that you most probably don’t feel the same way, in which case, the situation becomes a complete disaster. Ultimately, you have a decision to make: you can partake in his suggestion and do your own thing as well, or if you know what’s good for you, you can cut your losses and move on. Don’t settle for anything less than what you want.
The bottom line is: guys will tell you how they feel. Trying to read «I love you» where there isn’t one and playing the oblivious card will get you nowhere. While guys may not always have the upper hand, we could certainly benefit in tearing a page from their book and being direct. Don’t kill yourself over what deciphering exactly what a guy means. Simply take it at face value, for what it’s worth.